forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
how drunk are you?
Several
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
