last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
