Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
