cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
