perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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