yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
