My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
