I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
