sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
