I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize