Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
