My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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