Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
