i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
