everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
