the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
