hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
