Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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