long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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