If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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