Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
