umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so let's talk penis.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
