Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
