How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
