Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
