If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
