I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My feet surprised me
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