She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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