I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My life is pants optional.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
