maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
