You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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