get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
