Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
