I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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