Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
