I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
