what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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