Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
sex in a hospital.. check
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
