and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
