I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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