I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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