Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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