woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
