I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
