so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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