Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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