put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish you could order shots online.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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