and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
birth control should be required to get into college
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
