he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
