bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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